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Budget 2014 for Dummies…

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In the interest of those not quite so economically literate, we present the following simple list of Hockey-nomic Measures in this years Budget…

– if you live in a foreign country and we were helping you out, we aren’t helping you out anymore;
– the Federal Government is pushing the cost of education and health care over to the States;
– the States are being encouraged to sell off their assets to pay for new roads that we will have to pay to use;
– the $7 GP co-payment is the first step in dismantling Medicare;
– part of that $7 co-payment will go into a $20 billion Medical Research Future Fund to find a cure for the dementia and Alzheimer’s that’s riddling the Liberal Party (they don’t seem to remember where all that wine and money keeps coming from… or what a promise is…);
– the wealthy are being taxed more, but not much more and not for long;
– Company tax has been cut by 1.5% so when the top 3000 companies get hit with the 1.5% tax increase to cover the Paid Parental Scheme they won’t lose anything;
– rich people will still get their superannuation rebate;
– miners will still get their cheap diesel;
– our petrol will be going up, but only by about a cent a year (which means at least four to five cents a month because fuel companies will no doubt have to “factor in the cost of factoring in the cost”);
– you wouldn’t want to be on the pension (but if you are the chances are you won’t be for much longer);
– you wouldn’t want to be 40 and working in the building industry;
– you wouldn’t want to be a student;
– you wouldn’t want to be a under 30 and lose your job;
– you wouldn’t want to work in the Arts (unless you’re a ballet dancer, then you’ll have somewhere to live when you’re unemployed);
– you wouldn’t want to work at the ABC (and if you’re under 30 and work at the ABC you’re royally screwed);
– if your parents aren’t rich, your education stops at year 12;
– Universities can now charge like US colleges;
– politicians will have any pay rises frozen for 12 months but will no doubt give themselves an increase to make up for it next year:
– A quarter of billion is earmarked for a god-botherer in every school;
– Just under 90 million is being spent on finding that Malaysian airline that even the Malaysians have given up on;
– NBN? What NBN?
– Joe Hockey likes to dance to “Gonna be the Best Day of My Life” before delivering bad news;
– Everyone is already sick of the phrase “Earn or learn”;
– half a billion is being ripped from indigenous programmes (which means Tony won’t be visiting any aboriginal communities for a week despite saying that would be the FIRST thing he would do as PM);
– Tony Abbott has discovered definitions for “truth”, “promise”, “surprises” and “no” that defy logic, morality and reason;
– Tony Abbot is a reptile

My apologies if I missed anything, however this is a Budget for Dummies by a dummy.

One response to “Budget 2014 for Dummies…

  1. inlina

    And yet they didn’t touch the miners. Is that because most mining companies have siginificant foreign ownership and investment and this budget is all about Australians footing the bill?

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